Arsenal striker injured again; Our lips are sealed
Time : 2350 hours
Location : Arsenal State of the Art Training Ground thingie
Date : Round about now
Arsene Wenger hobbles around with his tricorder. The tricorder measures the environment to the exact specifications he computed on his state of the art computer he built himself. Arsene, as a child first developed a spreadsheet to calculate the exact nutritional requirements for a football player to go with his plan to develop the perfect athlete. Right now he has made his own little PDA, a tricorder like the ones found on Star Trek which measures if the environment is fine for the player.
Meanwhile a man in Africa drags a cart of bricks from town to town before he ends the day with a game of football.
Gilberto hobbles in, I say hobbles but in fact he came in doing the Macarena off the plana "Hola mi directora. Quand Gilberto puede Jugara. I a feeling great".
Wenger with cocked eyebrow wanders over to Gilberto in a snake like movement eyeing any discrepancies and waves his tricorder over Gilberto. Apparently Gilberto's Macarena post jet flight from World Cup qualifiers has injured him. I say injured but it appears his right thigh is .005 micrometers thicker than his left thigh.
Meanwhile a single mother in Brazil will spend the day looking after the home, preparing meals for her children and then socialising with family and friends in the evening.
Wenger believes this stops a players recovery by 0.00005 minutes. This is hazardous, so Gilberto is sent home to rest for 6 weeks and a press release about "thigh strain" is released.
Wenger hunchbacked wanders around the training ground waiting for the team to arrive. Flamini (the French Riviera's Ray Parlour) charges in from his huge Range Rover. Wenger promptly questions his late arrival by 0.0005 seconds. This is not allowed. According to Wenger's spreadsheet calculations in Excel (Macros he personally designed on his state of the art quad processor computer) a player who arrives late (like Jermaine Pennant) stunts the team performance by 15 Wenger values.
Wenger values are Wenger's personal measurement for the team. Against Chelsea Wenger calculated we were 20 values short of ability. After measuring the power of Henry's groin Wenger realised he was losing Wenger values. Jeremie Aliadiere is a great footballer according to Wenger Values but his groin is so out of sync (according to Wenger's tricorder) that he was sent to West Ham to examine Teddy Sheringham's super groin and hopefully extract Wenger Values from him.
Meanwhile a man who has fought off Cancer will be cycling from village to village to prepare for charity bike rides to raise money for Cancer research.
Thierry Henry is on a strict diet. Apparently Wenger through his own experiment and research found Broccoli with a stem diameter of 1.93452 centimetres has great Groin enhancing properties. After seeing the immense power of Robin Van Persie's groin when he kicked that Thun player in the head, Wenger realised the Broccoli Robin consumed by the crate full were part of this powerful groin.
The Robin Van Persie groin diet is important to Wenger. Unfortunately this Groin power has weighed heavy on Sol Campbell.
Meanwhile an 80 year old Shaolin Monk will wake early in the morning to meditate, then train in his art, then teach younger students in the art until the evening, sleeping late married to his work before a small nights rest to awake again for the same routine.
Since implementing the Broccoli Groin diet, Sol's consumption of Broccoli has made his groin extremely heavy to the point of applying strain on his hamstring. Sol was injured in the England game.
After this Wenger realised the PC he bought from PC World was to blame. After checking the PC with his tricorder Wenger realised the processor was running too slow. Wenger created a 500,000 word report to PC World regarding this. This is to be published in a Wenger Special of the International Journal of Information Technology. After receiving his money back for the dodgy processor and free 200gsm paper and blank DVD's for his trouble Wenger developed his own computer creating his own processors instead of buying them from PC World.
Meanwhile a village of mainly factory workers return from a 10 hour shift to prepare for a game of football with a neighbouring village in Mexico.
He then created a superfast recovery method with leeks. Yes leeks, the vegetable of Wales. He realised with the help of his wife who holds a doctorate in every subject, even Gardening and Yo Yo, that the leek needs to have a circumference of 7.84239 centimetres 5 centimetres above the bulb to balance the recovery properties of vegetables.
Wenger then sent a 1,542,436 word report to the chef at Arsenal Training Ground and demanded this report be published to all Arsenal fans in the next membership pack.
Wenger after training gave out his clinically medicated meal to the players. Ashley Cole who personally, injured, came for the mashed potatoes because they taste better than the one's Tweedy makes. Wenger noticing this from a distance of 1.3423 miles hurries over on his mechanically jet powered scooter, that runs on the neural energy from Wenger's over heated brain and also on the number of times Wenger cocks his eyebrow.
Meanwhile a woman in a wartorn country surrounded by bombs and mortar gives birth to her 7th child for whom as a community will care for over 50 children amongst 9 women while the men are away fighting.
Wenger removed the plate from Ashley Cole and placed them in his briefcase so he can consume it at a later date. Wenger then picked out vegetables himself for Ashley to eat. A carefully calculated meal to increase recovery from his injury.
After watching the video of the days training at speed times 8 he found Fabregas' leg was too high during the kick. He looked at his tricorder with a cocked eye brow and screamed a howling scream. The tricorder stated Fabregas will be injured in 23rd minute against West Brom. Fabregas was placed on the bench in favour of Flamini who is extremely energetic.
Wenger then went home after instructing the players on their walking habits, how they bend down to go to the toilet and also the rotation of sexual activity around games to go in line with his spreadsheet calculations.
Meanwhile in India a man and his over aged Donkey traipse from village to village selling sugar cane over a 14 hour day. The man ends the day with a run around the village and climbing trees for mangoes for the next day. The man is like many aged Indian men in their late sixties still working for the pleasure of working.
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Fun Boy Three - Our Lips Are Sealed.
Can you hear them
talking 'bout us
Telling lies
Is that a surprise
Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
Nothing must be revealed
It doesn't matter what they say
No one listens anyway
Our lips are sealed
There's a weapon
That we can use
In our defense
Silence
Well just look at them
Look right through them
That's when they disappear
That's when we lose the fear
It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed
It doesn't matter what they say
No one's listening anyway
Our lips are sealed
Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Guardian angel
Forget their lies
Can you hear them
talking 'bout us
Telling lies
Well that's no surprise
Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
Nothing must be revealed
It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed
Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed
Location : Arsenal State of the Art Training Ground thingie
Date : Round about now
Arsene Wenger hobbles around with his tricorder. The tricorder measures the environment to the exact specifications he computed on his state of the art computer he built himself. Arsene, as a child first developed a spreadsheet to calculate the exact nutritional requirements for a football player to go with his plan to develop the perfect athlete. Right now he has made his own little PDA, a tricorder like the ones found on Star Trek which measures if the environment is fine for the player.
Meanwhile a man in Africa drags a cart of bricks from town to town before he ends the day with a game of football.
Gilberto hobbles in, I say hobbles but in fact he came in doing the Macarena off the plana "Hola mi directora. Quand Gilberto puede Jugara. I a feeling great".
Wenger with cocked eyebrow wanders over to Gilberto in a snake like movement eyeing any discrepancies and waves his tricorder over Gilberto. Apparently Gilberto's Macarena post jet flight from World Cup qualifiers has injured him. I say injured but it appears his right thigh is .005 micrometers thicker than his left thigh.
Meanwhile a single mother in Brazil will spend the day looking after the home, preparing meals for her children and then socialising with family and friends in the evening.
Wenger believes this stops a players recovery by 0.00005 minutes. This is hazardous, so Gilberto is sent home to rest for 6 weeks and a press release about "thigh strain" is released.
Wenger hunchbacked wanders around the training ground waiting for the team to arrive. Flamini (the French Riviera's Ray Parlour) charges in from his huge Range Rover. Wenger promptly questions his late arrival by 0.0005 seconds. This is not allowed. According to Wenger's spreadsheet calculations in Excel (Macros he personally designed on his state of the art quad processor computer) a player who arrives late (like Jermaine Pennant) stunts the team performance by 15 Wenger values.
Wenger values are Wenger's personal measurement for the team. Against Chelsea Wenger calculated we were 20 values short of ability. After measuring the power of Henry's groin Wenger realised he was losing Wenger values. Jeremie Aliadiere is a great footballer according to Wenger Values but his groin is so out of sync (according to Wenger's tricorder) that he was sent to West Ham to examine Teddy Sheringham's super groin and hopefully extract Wenger Values from him.
Meanwhile a man who has fought off Cancer will be cycling from village to village to prepare for charity bike rides to raise money for Cancer research.
Thierry Henry is on a strict diet. Apparently Wenger through his own experiment and research found Broccoli with a stem diameter of 1.93452 centimetres has great Groin enhancing properties. After seeing the immense power of Robin Van Persie's groin when he kicked that Thun player in the head, Wenger realised the Broccoli Robin consumed by the crate full were part of this powerful groin.
The Robin Van Persie groin diet is important to Wenger. Unfortunately this Groin power has weighed heavy on Sol Campbell.
Meanwhile an 80 year old Shaolin Monk will wake early in the morning to meditate, then train in his art, then teach younger students in the art until the evening, sleeping late married to his work before a small nights rest to awake again for the same routine.
Since implementing the Broccoli Groin diet, Sol's consumption of Broccoli has made his groin extremely heavy to the point of applying strain on his hamstring. Sol was injured in the England game.
After this Wenger realised the PC he bought from PC World was to blame. After checking the PC with his tricorder Wenger realised the processor was running too slow. Wenger created a 500,000 word report to PC World regarding this. This is to be published in a Wenger Special of the International Journal of Information Technology. After receiving his money back for the dodgy processor and free 200gsm paper and blank DVD's for his trouble Wenger developed his own computer creating his own processors instead of buying them from PC World.
Meanwhile a village of mainly factory workers return from a 10 hour shift to prepare for a game of football with a neighbouring village in Mexico.
He then created a superfast recovery method with leeks. Yes leeks, the vegetable of Wales. He realised with the help of his wife who holds a doctorate in every subject, even Gardening and Yo Yo, that the leek needs to have a circumference of 7.84239 centimetres 5 centimetres above the bulb to balance the recovery properties of vegetables.
Wenger then sent a 1,542,436 word report to the chef at Arsenal Training Ground and demanded this report be published to all Arsenal fans in the next membership pack.
Wenger after training gave out his clinically medicated meal to the players. Ashley Cole who personally, injured, came for the mashed potatoes because they taste better than the one's Tweedy makes. Wenger noticing this from a distance of 1.3423 miles hurries over on his mechanically jet powered scooter, that runs on the neural energy from Wenger's over heated brain and also on the number of times Wenger cocks his eyebrow.
Meanwhile a woman in a wartorn country surrounded by bombs and mortar gives birth to her 7th child for whom as a community will care for over 50 children amongst 9 women while the men are away fighting.
Wenger removed the plate from Ashley Cole and placed them in his briefcase so he can consume it at a later date. Wenger then picked out vegetables himself for Ashley to eat. A carefully calculated meal to increase recovery from his injury.
After watching the video of the days training at speed times 8 he found Fabregas' leg was too high during the kick. He looked at his tricorder with a cocked eye brow and screamed a howling scream. The tricorder stated Fabregas will be injured in 23rd minute against West Brom. Fabregas was placed on the bench in favour of Flamini who is extremely energetic.
Wenger then went home after instructing the players on their walking habits, how they bend down to go to the toilet and also the rotation of sexual activity around games to go in line with his spreadsheet calculations.
Meanwhile in India a man and his over aged Donkey traipse from village to village selling sugar cane over a 14 hour day. The man ends the day with a run around the village and climbing trees for mangoes for the next day. The man is like many aged Indian men in their late sixties still working for the pleasure of working.
:
::
:
:
:
::
:::
:
:
::
:
:
:
Fun Boy Three - Our Lips Are Sealed.
Can you hear them
talking 'bout us
Telling lies
Is that a surprise
Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
Nothing must be revealed
It doesn't matter what they say
No one listens anyway
Our lips are sealed
There's a weapon
That we can use
In our defense
Silence
Well just look at them
Look right through them
That's when they disappear
That's when we lose the fear
It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed
It doesn't matter what they say
No one's listening anyway
Our lips are sealed
Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Guardian angel
Forget their lies
Can you hear them
talking 'bout us
Telling lies
Well that's no surprise
Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
Nothing must be revealed
It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed
Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed
posted by Arsenal Muse @ 10/14/2005 03:00:00 PM
